Just look at that thing... it looks like it would eat your whole family, if it could.
Some of you may be thinking, "What the hell do you have against staple removers? They serve a functional purpose!" Bullshit. They serve the same function as your finger nails, except they make even more of a goddamn mess! You originally use a staple remover to simply remove a staple, and before you know, the fucking thing has devoured your entire report and shredded it to pieces!
They are arguably the most threatening, lethal-looking pieces of office equipment I've ever seen. They kind of remind me of Baxter Stockman's Mousers from Teenager Mutant Ninja Turtles:
If Google ever developed sentience and decides to destroy humanity, as I'm sure it will one day, I bet it'd create floating schools of robots modeled after staple removers, designed to go around and strip the flesh of any human they see. They will be called "Human Removers", and this time, they are designed to make a mess as they fulfill their function.
Fuck staple removers.
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